Yay me, I can type! I have no idea how you got here or what you’re looking for but if you’ve been held hostage in hell (and really, who hasn’t…right? or is that just me…) then maybe I can let you know you’re not alone.
What is hell? Well, for me it’s coming from an abused childhood and finding myself in an abusive marriage. To a guy that everyone agrees is a Totally Nice Fella. Hell is having two children born with conditions that make raising them in Single Parent Mode (with said husband sticking his oar in every chance he gets) a challenge. Hell is living in the most ass-backward state I’ve ever had the misfortune to stick a pin into a map and move to.* Hell is being a together, positive, beautiful being diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and not even seeing that I had it. Hell is being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Alpha-1 COPD**, Meniere’s Disease, Social Anxiety Disorder and other fun-yet-undiagnosed goodies and having to try to deal with them without a support network.
My hell may not compare to yours. I’m not a competitive person so we’ll just say, “you win” if you read my version of hell and snorted, “I’ve eaten that for breakfast and still bring on more, wimp“. And maybe you’re going through hell and you feel you could never tell anyone that you feel you’re in hell because everyone would say, “but you have a perfect life, what on earth are you complaining for??” If you feel you’re in hell then that’s what your experience is and that’s your reality. The nice thing about living in hell is that it’s okay if it’s a subjective experience.
But, hey, remember the part where I said I was a positive person? I may be chained to a wall in hell but I’ve managed to make myself a little nest. Here is where I’m going to try to acknowledge and work out the hell, share some of the good things and survival tips I’ve learnt from all the wacky stuff that’s gone on in my life and try to find more of the sparklies and rainbows to keep me going. You know, hell is a pretty cruddy place but at least it’s toasty. Some days that’s all I have to hang onto to keep me going.
*that totally didn’t really happen that way.
**Alpha-1 COPD is the kind that lets lovely never-smokers like me suffer just like I’d been a 2-pack a day for life girl.